Thank you for replying and understanding SoupDragon,

I'm currently waiting for 12 sessions of therapy and I'm gonna wait probably half a year or more. I have a lot of issues to resolve with my past. I'm not sure what kind of therapy it will be or if it is gonna help me. If I have the chance I'm gonna bring it up but I can't wait six months for something that might or might not happen.

I was wondering if there are any self help books or someone has gotten trough a similar problem and can give advice I know the chance of that is small but I decided it's time to admit this problem and start looking more actively for a solution.