Thank you all for replying, I cried reading them trying to accept that people understand. Its not that I think I'm the only one who had ever had their heart broken, our even that the situation is that much worse than anyone else's. In MY real life though out is. None of my friends have had such a long term relationship, let alone lost it to relate. This is harder than breaking up with someone you've been with for a few months-a year. If I were to make a boyfriend box for all the things related to him, I wouldn't have anything left. We saw each other everyday for 6 years.

I'm familiar with grieving -I'm actually an expert at the shock and denial phase. I can and will stay in out for as long as I can -months if I have anything to day about it. I don't like change and as long as things haven't really set in, I can be ok. Beyond that, "ok" doesn't feel as guaranteed.

Thanks for listening again