I passed out in a bathroom today...I think I had a minor overdose on codeine. I couldn't stop vomitting.

Ironically enough, I have positions on several mental health and drug-related boards and do public speaking surrounding my history with both. Sort of like a motivational/information type of speech and I help organize events and programs to help youth.

I feel like I am just destroying myself. I go through my ups and downs and one thing always stays true-I destroy myself. SI, drugs, drinking, bulimia, and I find it's something I can't control. I am a control freak and to admit I can't control this is huge.

I am also in a way seeking relief from my hallucinations and paranoia. I am currently without a psychiatrist, and the one who just dropped me as a patient refused to treat them or take them seriously.