Dear T,
I know I said I wanted to deal with the "past crap" but now I am having doubts. It's not that I don't want to deal with it. I do. I want to be rid of its weight. But I am afraid of giving up control of those memories. As long as they are known only to me, I know I can do what I want with them - which usually means stuffing them into the back corners of my mind and trying to forget them. But if I share them with you I feel like I am relinquishing that control. I am afraid of what will happen. I finally feel in control of me again. I am afraid of losing control.
Me.