After getting out of an physically abusive, manipulative and emotionally damaging relationship I am struggling with learning to trust again and making new friends. I also suffer from PTSD and anxiety which I am seeing a therapist for. I have been healing for close to a year and half and although better emotionally I am not the same person that I once was. I don't think I will ever be.
In my relationship I became isolated due to embarrassment, loyalty to my abuser, and shame. I lost many friends...or those I thought were friends. They simply thought I had gone insane by staying with him.
After the relationship I went NC both with him and others who I felt were toxic to me. I disappeared.
I struggle with making new friends. I don't want to be alone but I don't trust many. I'm afraid of allowing more toxins into my life. I am also embarrassed of who I am and what I have become.
It's impossible to not talk about about the relationship...restraining orders, stalking, fear of this person, to new people as it affected me so greatly...and I don't want to be seen as a person who is defined by this relalationship. Also these type of issues scare others away..healthy people see these as red flags (I would imagine) and this only serves to keep me from not talking and not trying. How will I ever have a real relationship/friendship again.
I'm lonely and afraid. I don't just want to be me again..I want to be a better me.
I don't know where to begin. I'm a new mom and as a result of this relationship I am broke and unemployed. Everything I ever worked for is gone. I am looking and trying so hard to find a job, but the economy is terrible.
Everything is hitting me..and I'm tired and afraid. I'm trying to find hope and I don't know where or what I can do.