try to be easy with yourself. You are working toward healing. Try to first focus on yourself. It sounds like you feel safe with your T, which is fantastic. A great start!

A women's support group could be really helpful! I saw my T after my fiance passed away AND went to to a Grief Support Group. To be able to speak with people in person, who have experiened similar pain, who understand and who are not judgmental was priceless for me.

The rest will come with time. Try to be patient. With your T you will learn to trust yourself again and gain tools to feel better about your decisions.

I wish you the very best! I know you will get there!