Oh sweetheart, no judgements here either- I have also struggled with self harm and tablets...I am on the road to recovery doing much better than I ever thought I would when I was in those dark and dismal days!! I agree with all the wonderful advice above!!
Pls talk to your mum! You are NOT a disappointment to her at all!! I'm sure she has noticed that things aren't right. If you talk to her it may actually help relieve some of her concerns. I'm sure she'd much rather you talk to her and you get help from your pdoc, than you don't talk and things get worse. As was said earlier it's the chemicals that are at fault not you!!! So it's vital that you go to your pdoc and get some meds to help balance things up!

Good luck and big hugs xxxx