Will do. Thanks.

For me it wasn't hard. The type of therapy SKR and I did together right from the beginning was focused on treating me as ONE person who happened to have separated memories.

My therapy program right from the beginning focused on locating the triggers by listening to the voices and other kinds of pieces of memories and matching them to what in my present life was causing me to dissociate (daydream myself into my mental safe place which left my body on the autopilot of replaying pieces of memories).

We were told by many professionals in the field to focus our attention on treatment as a WHOLE not as in each "name" was a seprarate person. That does not mean she pushed me aside when the memory pieces got triggered into replaying. If I was in session and a memory piece got triggered into replaying or I was already in activated state of mind she asked questions and talked with me but it was in the frame of mind that the memories were our tools to learn from and help me to become more stable by finding out what the memory content was and using those to build coping tools and grounding techniques so that the triggers that activated those memories to be acted out pell mell could be taken care of. So even though we gathered information when I did dissociate and each piece of memory replayed we accepted them for what they were - memories of me at various ages going through abuse situations - they were pieces of me not entities functioning with their own separate BIOLOGICAL bodies.

Right from the beginning I was taught and researched grounding techniques and relaxation techniques and right from the beginning I was expected to use them.

If I forgot in the heat of the moment SKR dug right in by by doing everything and anything she could and had to to get me to focus on her and the present with all of my senses, - the feel of the chair, the room and so on.

Right from the beginning SKR's and my focus was on listening beyond the static to the voice memories and looking for the triggers that were activating the memories and using my grounding techniques and relaxation techniques to do what I needed to do to take care of the situation.

For example we would be sitting there talking and I let her know during our conversations when the static and voices in my head was getting louder. Then she would move closer and ask me questions like - what color shirt she was wearing, Did I like her hair barrette, the ring on her left hand. when I was back focusing on her and what she was saying she would ask me questions about the flashback, or the voices or about the conversation we were having when I started dissociating. If I didn't answer the question she brought my focus back to her and hearing her voice and seeing her then we would keep going. We did this over and over again be it in face to face therapy sessions or be it when I called her after hours in panic and so on. The object was for me to see how long I could continue to answer her questions and ignore the voice memories that contained the words "shut up" and so on and continue telling her what she looked like what she said and what I was hearing, and seeing in the flashbacks and voices.

We started out slow and build up as I got stronger at doing it.

At home when the voices and flashbacks start in I carried over doing this and locating the triggers - matching the voices and flashbacks to something that was around me or in the activity I was doing and using grounding techniques, relaxation techniques and so on.

DID isn't a disorder that is only in the therapy room. It is in every aspect of my life so my therapy program for it instead of just an hour a week of face to face sessions became a 24/7 therapy program that I had follow through with in every aspect of my life not just in the therapy sessions.

Alot of people go to therapy sessions and then walk out the door and and think "there glad that session is over with" carry on with their day not bringing into their outside of therapy life the tools that they learn inside the therapy room and then get upset at the therapist because they are not getting any better.

I don't have that luxury. flashbacks hit me at home, on the bus, in the store, in court hearing, when I am in the bathroom.... Flashbacks dont say "ok she's not in the therapy room we cant show her this piece of memory yet" My dissociating does not happen just in the therapy room and does not say "ok no memory pieces named so and so and everyone else too cannot act out abuse situations right now for she isn't in the therapy room" My dissociating happens every where so my therapy program had to be done everywhere and anywhere no matter the day and time and what was going on.

Because this was my therapy program right from the beginning, during the sand tray activity from habit the therapy program that I use at home and when SKR was my therapist just automatically kicked in and I focused on LL and answered her questions based on what I was seeing and hearing while being totally relaxed.

Trust with my therapist LL. - LOLOL It didn't start out that way

In fact I hated her from day one and made that very clear to her by telling her to her face she was a "stiff with potential" and by way of memory pieces replaying swearing at her, calling her clueless, A$%bleep bleep. My journal entries were LOADED with what I thought about her both when I was aware and when I wasn't aware during the writing of those entries and I handed oover my journal entries to her. The letters I had wrote at that point to SKR was also LOADED with what I thought of LL while aware and unaware while writing those letters. So much so that my past therapist SKR met with LL and STRONGLY advised LL in drawing up a "contract" for me to sign stating I would not harm LL during sessions which LL did.

It has taken LL and I alot of being 100% honest with each other and being willing to hear each other out before jumping to conclusions to make this work between the two of us. If there is a problem with something I let her know right away so the problem does not escalate into explosion level, from bad feelings of misunderstandings and she does the same. from time to time she will ask me something in the way of - How do you think we're doing? meaing the two of us as a therapy team.

With SKR trust was there for the two of us from day one. With LL trust was something we BOTH had to build up and earn from each other.

Trust isn't just about the client trusting the therapist, therapists too have to be able to trust the client and trust on both sides does not happen by one or the other telling half truths, pretenting to be who they arent, and saying things just to shut up the therapist and please the client.

My purpose for being in therapy was to get better and not based on if I like the therapist or not. The same for LL she was in the business to help clients not be best buddies with them.

But that does not mean that we are not supposed to respect each other as human being and not do the work.

We both have our parts to do in this job known as therapy and we do it giving each other our 100% complete honesty and "all" and trust came in the process of doing those jobs.

I can also tell you that trusting a therapist and liking them are tow completely different things. I don't have to like my therapists themselves and their approach to trust them. Trust in a therapist is believing they have my best interest at heart. By best interest I don't mean if they like me or not. I mean that what ever they tell me or ask me to do is in the frame of mind of helping me to become more stable and funtional. Personal opinions of whether or not the therapist likes me does not figure in if the therapist can and will teach me how to for example do grounding techniues, or point out where I may be heading off the right tack, or something that I missed looking at in a problem or situation, or suggesting something that will make an activity that I am doing work better for me.

Just like for instance a lawyer is supposed to defend his client regardless of person opinion a therapist is supposed to do their job regardless of personal opinion of the client and the client has a responsibilty to work the program regardless of their personal opinions of the therapist.

Beside that it don't make sense to me not to do the program just because of hatred or dislike for the therapist. That only hurts the client not the therapist. LOL