To start, I've never told anyone about this.
So it all started when i was pretty young,like 5 or 6.I lived with my mom,dad,my sibling and my older cousin (who was like a teenager at the time). As far back as i could remember he would come into my room and do "stuff" to me,I was young so I didn't know what was really going on.This happend for years,it never progressed beyond touching but after I started to age (at 10 or 11) he would follow me around the house, watched me change and sleep,he even watched me from the widow whenever i was outside. He'd tell me things like:
"this is all your fault"
"you like it when i touch you"
"when im done with you no one will ever want or love you"
I never felt safe,even now.
Dark rooms terrify me, I feel as if hes in there waiting for me.I can't even look into one without thinking about what happend to me.I'm 17, and i can't fall asleep unless there some sort of light shining into my room. Sadly I don't remember anything from my child hood other than this

I've always wanted to tell someone ,but it terrifies me that they might see me as "dirty" and won't love me anymore.But I just can't live with it any more, I don't plan on taking more own life just don't want to be alone with this anymore