Working on my fifth day sober...

Thank you for that bit of info madisgram! But up to 32 WEEKS?! I'm definitely craving, feeling restless and having difficultly sleeping, but I've had issues with sleep long before I started using heroin. It's hard to tell what part of this is detox and what are my normal symptoms of daily life. I made myself exercise this morning to get some energy spent and keep my mind off of intoxication for a little while. I also went to my roommate and cried a little about how badly I want to be high right now. At my last therapy session, I was told to seek out NA meetings and go to at least a few by the time I see my therapist again. I have not done that. I'm afraid to go due to social anxiety issues

Roadie, the weed wasn't the problem initially. I have had issues with depression since I was a child, the weed started amplifying the problems a little over a year ago. I quit smoking weed for about seven months total last year, and felt fine without it. I diverted to other drugs along the way, though, before returning to weed for the past three months. I really like the smell and the taste of weed as well as the motion of smoking. The high, eeehhh, not so much anymore.

I have been re-reading my posts, trying to remind myself not to go through detox again. I've lost count how many times I've attempted sobriety in the past eight years. Sadly, addiction runs in my family. My grandmother was an alcoholic, quit because she had a stroke while I was a toddler. My brother is an alcoholic and avid weed smoker, he helped pull me back into smoking weed a few months ago. It was easy when he was living in a different state, but he moved back and is making it difficult to not smoke. I also have a few uncles who struggled with alcoholism. While I never really cared for being drunk, I feel I've turned to a much darker side of addiction with many different drugs under my belt. The fact that addiction is on both my mother's and father's sides of the family is all the more reason for me to beat this demon. I need to prove to myself that I can get over this hump in the road. I need to put this behind me once and for all.

I'm just scared to let go of this security blanket I've held on to for years. I've been hiding under it for so long, I've forgotten what it's like to be uncovered...