Well gang, it only took 56 years, 11 months, and 3 weeks, but: My big sister has finally forgiven me for being born!!!!! And being me....!!!!

She was 20 months old when I came, seemingly out of nowhere. I was early and Mom didn't show. The neighbors didn't even know she was preggers. Sis flipped with jealousy. Being a scorio, she acted out.

My earliest memory of her is me, like 6? months old, propped on a day bed in the livingroom. Mom was outside hanging up laundry. Sister came to me, armed with an orange crayon, and proceeded to scribble on the green couch in front of me. She left the crayon by the scribble and split. Mom came in, found me, the crayon, and the mess, and whooped me. (Too young to even unprop myself let alone go get a crayon, hold it and scribble......)

Needless to say, I wasn't happy with her either. As we grew, I was bigger and could physically hurt her in return for her sibling rivalry shananigans. Since Dad dealt with me by picking me up and throwing me, that's how I dealt with her. We had an ugly relationship.

As a family, were completly dysfunctional. Mom's motto was,"If you don't have anythng nice to say about somebody, don't say anythng at all." That pretty much left me out of the conversation..... Nobody knew any communication skills. Plus, we all lived in terror of Dad. Nobody was ever in their right mind..... (But you better believe we presented as "normal" to the community.)

As a family we got by by having very little to do with each other, including sis and me, even though we shared a room. After college, she moved south at the same time I moved west. I've gone east to visit "the family" every 7-10 years. Sis has never before visited me. In my life.
Iscare the poo poo out of her.

Mom will be 80 this summer. She hadn't seen my little cabin that she made possible. Sis decided to bring Mom to visit on Sis's way to collect an award south of here. They flew in Thursday afternoon and out Sunday a.m.. a quickie. Plus they stayed in town. Whew.

Over this past year, my Mom and I have really shovelled the poopoo and are communicating beautifully. I had talked to her about sis and me in prep for their coming. Told her I was committed to peace on earth AND in the family, to please kick me under the table if I need to shut my big mouth..... I tend to blurt....

OK, so day 1 they arrive, get settled, get oriented. ie: lotsa driving and superficial chatting. We had about 6 hours for our first meeting. Okey dokey. Whew. I calmed down soon enough to grab 4 solid hours sleep.

Day 2 I awoke with the realization that "This Is It" ie: MY TURN. Holey cow. My turf. My friends for support. My chance to show my sister (and my mother) who I am: with both sleep AND medication under my belt... ie: calm. (What a concept.)

When I casually, out of the blue said,'"So, this is the first time either of you have ever experienced me on sleep AND meds, what do you think?"
Dead silence. Then Mom said,"Well, you seem to be doing great!?." I said, "Right, any questions?" More dead silence. I realized "it" was on me, I was just gonna have to jump in and start tellin' my stories. OK, whatever it takes... gulp.

Start day 2 with my rap being about my physical problems. Sis had to gasp in horror a couple times. I got her attention and sympathy!! She just had no idea... She couldn't help herself, she started emotionally cutting me some slack.

Day 3 I had to take on explaining my mental health. YeeeHaaaahaahahaha. "Okey dokey, we can do this." My whole gang was on board, none of us quite believing how well this was going... but, many voices got to say their bit, we got the outline out coherently, images and experiences popping to mind as needed (!) to express these amorphous concepts concretely.

It was a massive moment of integrated living for me.

It was a massive moment of healing for Sis and Mom.

Now Sis's talking about coming back next year AND bringing the kids........ She can breath. I guess I'm forgiven. My family has started to become a family.

Mom announced, "I'm gonna ask more questions."out of the blue. My Mother. Gonna ask questions!!!! You just can't imagine how huge that is for her.

I am reeling with joy. Ya just never know when things will break through. Dang. I will remember this Memorial Weekend with awe for the rest of my little life. Yeeeehaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!!!!!