Had a difficult session today that left me with therapy head. It's kind of like bed head only a spritz bottle won't help it.

First off...he wasn't late...first time ever (prior client must have canceled). So I had no springboard into discussing how the tardiness effects me. I was totally irritated when I got there. I stopped a med last week on my own (yea, I know my fault so I deserve the mood issue). I got thru a couple of opening questions then started bawling. I have only teared up in T once. He started talking about my cycle of moods and meds. No wonder I feel like I'm running in circles. I really want help, honestly...and I try so friggen hard, but the meds make me gain weight and dumb me down a bit. He tried to be nice but I know he's pissed off. Christ, can you blame him? I don't know what the crap I am doing anymore, but it's like he has no idea either. Why do I keep being so self destructive???? You would think he would have helped me figure that out by now. He begged me for eye contact and I couldn't do it because I am so ashamed. So he phoned hubby after session to tattle on me. I feel like crap. I hate therapy.