My Support Forums - View Single Post - How do you battle self-hate??

Nammu · Mar 28, 2012, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shezbut

I'm curious how many people here struggle with self-hate.
I'm not sure if I call it self hate. I have huge self eseem issues, am known to politely say "Thank you" when given compliments-but inside I do not accept them-I am un sure if I' is because I am not worth it or because it frighens me to feel beholden to someone(it's like giving my power away--FEAR_FEAR_FEAR I cannot let anyone ever again have any power over me.

Do you believe your self-hate is the cause of your other emotional problems, or the other way around?
I lived in a curious state of disassociation most of my life. I wasn't connected or even one. I'd have to say the emotional problems came far earlier than my awarness that I dissliked who I became. I still have trouble with that word-hate. Self hate! hmm, I have tried to SU, many times, both before I was intergrated and after, Why? I believed the world was better off without me, yes, but mostly because I wanted the pain to stop.

If you've made it past self-hate, what techniques did you find helpful to get you through?

I still have self-esteem issues, like others here my T finds it exasperating that I will not accept compliments and that unlike other SU who were saved from certain death, I am not glad about it. I do not try any more because I'm more afraid of failing and the consequences of that failure than anything else. I don't much care what most people think and when I don't care what they think then I'm not so hard on myself. So I guess my major technique is self talk to myself that other people are really too busy living their lives to care what I look like or do/not do. Except for my ineptitude with spelling that drives me to self hate in the most fundamental basic form. I hate that about myself. Nothing I do changes that, I'm told it is not my fault-I was many in elementary school and there are gaps-well why can't I learn now then-the same mistakes over and over. And why can't I get the spell check on here to work? I have no technique for that one. Sorry this got so long.