Quote:
Originally Posted by WikidPissah
Had a difficult session today that left me with therapy head. It's kind of like bed head only a spritz bottle won't help it.
First off...he wasn't late...first time ever (prior client must have canceled). So I had no springboard into discussing how the tardiness effects me. I was totally irritated when I got there. I stopped a med last week on my own (yea, I know my fault so I deserve the mood issue). I got thru a couple of opening questions then started bawling. I have only teared up in T once. He started talking about my cycle of moods and meds. No wonder I feel like I'm running in circles. I really want help, honestly...and I try so friggen hard, but the meds make me gain weight and dumb me down a bit. He tried to be nice but I know he's pissed off. Christ, can you blame him? I don't know what the crap I am doing anymore, but it's like he has no idea either. Why do I keep being so self destructive???? You would think he would have helped me figure that out by now. He begged me for eye contact and I couldn't do it because I am so ashamed. So he phoned hubby after session to tattle on me. I feel like crap. I hate therapy.
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I love this whole summary! I love the humor you started with (therapy head) and the insight (dumb to stop taking meds but problems with taking them too) and just the whole "summary" of how it went. I feel like you have learned quite a bit about yourself and, if you can work on the "self destructive" blame game -- okay, you made a mistake stopping the meds and you know it but you also have very valid points about how the med affects you negatively; work with that instead of just assigning the blame to yourself and "stopping".
Talk to your pdoc, join a gym to see if that will help with the weight gain, realize that his tardiness doesn't have to be every/this time for you to talk about how it affects you when he is late, get angry at "you would think he would have helped me by now". . . that he hasn't and work with him to come up with a plan how he can help (by his being on time, to start with :-) You have uncovered all sorts of things to do with your situation besides just be ashamed?