and it's a shameful secret I've held onto tightly, so please be careful in any response you give. Thank you.....................................
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Well, I never connected with my parents emotionally. My sister (my dad's daughter) is 4 years older than I am, my mom hated her & so there was always a lot of chaos in the house. Especially between my sister and brother (my mom's son). I was the youngest and always tried to be the peacemaker ~ tried to make other's happy.

I got my first period when I was 13 years old, and I was completely unprepared. My sister was in jail. My mom just handed me a few OB tampons and some pantiliners, but didn't tell me how to work with them. Anyone who knows OB tampons knows that these things are tiny, without applicators, and they don't give thorough instructions on use. I finally stuck one up there, but didn't know anything about that area at all.

A few hours went by at school, and I went into the bathroom to change it. I couldn't get it out! I had no friends. Didn't trust anyone, and my mom never asked how it went. Anyway, I kept that tampon inside of me because I didn't know how to get it out. I'm sure that you can imagine what a horrible month that was for me! When I got my period, the next month, I finally had the will to push it out. Finally!! I was at one of the snootiest schools back in the early 80's ~ "You know, like, "the 80's" at the very place where it all happened?" It was HELL!!!

How can I let go of the intense shame and disgust with myself attached to this memory?? It's horrible!