I am not in a good place. I'm away from home visiting family and already I feel overwhelmed. I dont even know why. I think I am so damn precious I feel rejected far too easily. I understand my family member I am with is exhausted with new babies, and it is amazing to see them...but I dont know what it is that is making me cry. I feel pathetic, weak and stupid. I want to cut already and I thought I may but didnt think it would be this soon. I just feel so alone crying about emotions I cant even figure out. My therapist said I could email whenever I needed but I'm too ashamed to do so already. I've not tried hard enough and I'm being stupid getting so upset. I wish I knew why I was crying...gosh the sadness is huge. I feel like I want to get away but i cant, I cant even tell anyone how I feel because the words and understanding isn't there, it is just pure emotions. I am going into self hatred overdrive, the feeling emotions and not understanding them or feeling they are too big so soon and that I shouldn't feel as I do. I hate that I cannot even email my therapist because a stupid rule in my head says I've not tried hard enough yet and that this is ridiculous a reaction. I hate that this should be a pleasurable experience but yet again something in me wants to destroy it. I should be silent about how I feel because I bring all this on myself. It is my fault so I deserve ti feel crap, if my mind creates the pain then that is my fault. I'm so angry at myself!!