Some extra fragments:

I've climbed my mountain and now I'm enjoying the view from the top. I'm a good mountain climber but enjoying the view is a new thing.

I said, my body tells me I'm afraid. She said, good, I'm glad you can feel that. We tried to work out what I was afraid of. I think I was afraid I would say the wrong thing and wreck the beautiful moment we were having. "Do you think you can make it last forever?" she asked. "No, but it doesn't seem impossible that I could keep it up for the next half hour."

When I started with T, I wanted more than she could ever give. I wanted compensation for my past sufferings.

Some things I wanted, I knew were impossible, eg T adopting me. I knew that was just fantasy. But there were others that seemed reasonable. Why shouldn't T hug me more often? Why shouldn't I come in through the front door? I was slow to accept that these weren't going to happen. And it was easier to see what I was denied than to see what I had been given.