Haven't been around much lately...... been ill. I can only sit at the computer for a short time.

Tracy,

I really can relate to your post...... the paranoia. It tries to convince me of things daily....... whew.... it's a hard battle. I feel for you.

Not sure if this can pertain to you..... but since I've been in therapy (over 2 years now, with this, my third therapist)....... I've learned that one aspect of my paranoid thoughts can be a sort of self-sabotage. In that I mean, when I have a good thing...... my mind tries to convince me that it's bad in some way...... as if I don't deserve anything good and it will be taken from me in some way--- so-- the paranoia kicks in and often results in the very thing I was fearful of or something similar that makes the good situation bad.

Could it be that perhaps you don't feel you deserve such a good partner?? Just something to think about........
I do hope you can see how deserving you are of a good partner.
and..... I hope I made sense--- I have trouble expressing things most times and can confuse others or I can be taken the wrong way. I mean all of this in a caring and supporting manner.

Best to you---