Oh Shezbut, that is so sad. You have nothing at all to be ashamed of. Your mother should be ashamed for not telling and instructing you on what to do. that is just plain awful. Someone should have instructed and shown or told you how to do those things. We aren't just born knowing how to do it. You have nothing to feel disgusted about or ashamed about. An adult should have guided you, no doubt about it. Shame on them.