LOL yup I sure have put a few of mine through the "gauntlet". and thank you.

I had absolutely no trust or liking in me for therapists when I HAD in the literal sense to attend therapy back in 2001.

I ignored my depression - dropped out of therapy, stoppped taking medication both without the approval of my therapists and psychiatrists.

The result of not taking care of my problems and ignoring them and fighting against treatment options was that I became suicidal and hit my child.

As a result I came very close to being arrested, committed to the state mental health facility and losing my child.

I was lucky The DHS intaker worker sat with me and wrote out on a form before she took my child with her what I needed to do to get him back - contact my family physician for an appointment for medication, therapy and a comprehensive psychological evaluation and follow all recommendations set down in that evaluation.

I was given the therapy agencys name by DHS's mental health consultant and then had an intake appointment with the therapy agencies intake therpist and then I was assigned a therapist sight unseen - SKR - based on the information gathered at the intake appointment.

When the DHS intake caseworker got my medical reports she saw that I had a history of dropping therapists, dropping and skipping and changing my medications and dropping out of therapy all together so she had me court mandated into therapy and on medication at the disgression of my therpaist and physician.

Whether I liked it or not If I wanted my child I had to do the program and work. If any reports said I was not complying didn't matter what the reason for my not complying my child would not have come home a year later.

And with LL I was still under the assumption that I had no choice but to remain in therapy at my therapist disgression. I was also under the assumption that after my child had completed residential treatment if all my reports said I was complying and actively working on my treatment plans my child would be returned home. Unfortunately the caseworker after the intake worker had to close my side of the case due to the case being open beyond a year this state uses the first date of the child entering the system as the time frame marker. I was never told that by his being returned to care for residential treament meant my side of the case was open more than a year. I thought the time frame started from the date of his return to foster care for treatment. Because the case now hinges on my child and his stability among other things I have not lost parental rights but because of the case time frame and his instability he will not be returned home a second time. But anyway. I was under the assumption that I had no choices I was assigned LL when SKR and I chose friendship over therapy time and I had to make it work regardless of my personal likes and dislikes and lack of trust in her.

the bottom line was that "Trust" and liking my therapists was not a part of the picture. I was court mandated and I had no choice in whether or not I trusted SKR or liked her, I was assigned to her sight unseen and that was that. I either had to make it work or lose my child.

So I did what I needed to do I threw my idea of having to like a therapist and trust the therapist out of my thoughts and do what needed to be done.

SKR and I both went into it with the same attitude - to do what was needed to get my child back home where he belonged and because we both went in totally open minded we connected right away.

My first session with her was literally NOTHING like a typical therapy session. there was a DHS meeting we both had to attend right after the session and I mean right after there was no time for me to even catch the next bus so she gave me a ride to the meeting.

Walking in her door and neither one of us were sitting down before she said - hi I'm so and so and we have this meeting in 30 minutes so what do I need to know? and I said hi I'm so and so I became suicidal and my child is in foster care, I became suicidal because .... and here is how I think we can solve this situation ....

By the end of that session what normally is completed in a series of 4-6 sessions was done in 30 minutes because that all the time we had to be able to go into that meeting with a complete plan to take care of my depression, PTSD including nightmares and flashbacks and panic attacks.

We both knew our goal - to get my son back all my T's had to be crossed and all my i's had to be dotted and we both entered into the therapy session open minded and ready to work regardless of personal opinions and in doing so found out that we both had things in common with our work approach and in many other areas too.

The same with LL. I had to make it work and do what needed to be done if I wanted my child . So I threw "trust" and "like" for LL out of my ideas of what therapy was, and in doing so I found out that LL and I have common interests and common ideas of what will help me.

If I had entered therapy with my preconcieved notion that I MUST like and trust who I was in therapy with I would have missed out on alot of great information and coping skills and so on because my opinion of those things would have been clouded with my preconcieved idea of when am I going to like this therapist and so on.

By entering open mindedly I was not upset by any questions either one of them asked by wondering "what her motive" behind that question was and if she was saying something because they might not like me and so on.

Challenge for you -

sit down and write out what your last therapy session was like, how you felt going in, during and coming out.

then Before going into your next session throw caution to the wind by saying it don't matter if I like or dislike or trust or distrust so and so this is whats going on and this is what I think I should do, does so and so have any ideas to add to this?

Then write about how you felt going in, during and after the session.

Then put both papers side by side. You will be amazed by what you see.

Keep doing this activity for each of your therapy sessions and about the 10th one add the question -

Do I trust my therapists judgement?

At the same time remember that trust and like are two different things. Trusting a therapist means you are confident that what that therapist is adding to the sessions benefits you and that the suggestions to you do not do harm to you.

you will again be amazed. and will most likely find that you have developed a trust for your therapist regardless of if you personally like him/her.