to expand on what open eyes said...if we think we matter to people that causes conflict with all those other negative thoughts that justify what a terrible person we are. the thoughts that make all the negative things that happened to us make sense, because if we are bad awful people, then all the bad things that happened to us we deserved. but if people like us, that must mean that we are worthy of good. which directly contradicts all these negative messages we have received. how could all this bad happen if we were good?

simply put, bad stuff happens to good people. its not about us. its about the sickos who hurt us. ive realized i wasnt bad at all. i didnt deserve any of it. i didnt earn any of it. he was very sick. not me. i wasnt at fault at all. i am very deserving of love. and its taken a very long time and it was very distressing to let people love me, but i have finally learned that love doesnt hurt. i can let people love me today. but it does take time.

there is nothing wrong with you suzzie. it is a mtter of trust. and as open eyes says. its something you have to learn to do.