...well stuffed if I know how to do it? I mean really know how!

I'm doing it...but not very well. It is exhausting, I feel clumsy as hell...there seem to be just far too many variables in a conversation now.

I am not saying that I was ever any good at talking to people...more like I just didn't care about what I said....at least not until I sobered up later on and then that was easy fixed!

....some people said I used to just repeat myself alot but I 'seeeemed' to know what I was talking about they said, and the rest of the time I was alone anyway so didn't have to talk and if I did then I just didn't think about what I said and that was a successful conversation then?

So I was drunk alot...and talked like a drunk alot and listened like a drunk alot...which aint at all!....socially invulnerable but who cared anyway?

Now I'm sober...no skills...there are just so many damn options in a conversation now....I have to think so carefully what I say....I can't just blurt crap out anymore....not if I want to have any self respect!

I really don't know what I mean anymore in this sober verbal expanse!...and I have a complete record of all the words that exit my mouth all of a sudden and the details of all the minute gestures and signals and subliminal whatevers?

It's an anxiety nightmare being hyperaware. I miss the control I had over it even though I was way out of control. I sit in my little seat wondering about this new and clumsy feature on my face....this mouth that does not feel like it belongs....when not so long ago, when so many liquids went in... and so many more words came out! I would have easily said.. "hey I'm pissed ...and this is what I'm sayin' !"

This post represents only one of a hundred things I could have written about it!...scary...there is little rest.
my friends here and around are helping very much...thankyou