((((((mrmanatee)))))),

I am SO sorry that you did not and are not getting much needed love and support from your parents. Human beings are truely designed to be dependant on that in childhood, as we are primates. And if you didn't, ofcourse you would feel the way you do. At least you CAN identify that, because on the road to recovery and self repair, it is important to know the whys.

Sadly you are not alone and yes other people experience this as well and struggle too. As you can see here, Purple Heart experienced this as well. And I have been struggling myself in ways I never thought I would because of ignorance on the part of others. And unfortunately people CAN be ignorant and even very cruel sometimes.
What you are feeling is often/usually the end result sadly, after all we are designed to be nurtured and survive in groups.

So what can you do? Well, you are going to have to take it upon yourself to learn how to make up for this, understanding that you didn't have the ability to choose your parents, they are just people, people who should have never had children, people who truely didn't know how to provide for a child what every child needs to grow and thrive on their own with a sense of self worth and drive to survive. You are truely going to have to allow yourself to really understand that how you feel is "NOT YOUR FAULT" and YES, you DO deserve TO HEAL AND LEARN TO THRIVE. And it is going to take time to do this FOR YOURSELF inspite of the people who are your parents and are just plain unworthy of being anyone's parents.

Though I know you are feeling very low right now, you have to muster the energy up to reach out for help and slowly learn to find the kind of people that can help you LEARN how to make up for this and you CAN achieve this. And Purple Heart is right, it does start with a really good therapist who knows HOW to help you and others like you overcome and find ways to HEAL and THRIVE.

Please, as hard as it is, as low as you feel, step outside of that and KNOW, you CAN get the HELP YOU DESERVE to OVERCOME.

Welcome to PC, there are others who are working on this as well here, are gaining and very supportive.
So, part of your plan to recover is taking shape because you are now in a group of others that truley know and undersand are also giving themselves permission to OVERCOME.

(((((Hugs)))))

Open Eyes