Likelife I can really relate to your post. In so many ways.

I've been in therapy with 3 different ts (including my current t) and I grew very attached to each one. It's very hard for me to distingush the problems that led me to go to therapy with the excessive need for the t. In the end I want it to be about the relationship, my love and need for a mother, and the desperate longing for emotional connection and physcial touch and nurturing.

I have struggled with when the time is right to call it a day because therapy all seems to be about unmet needs that can't be met. Like you I am very independent outside of therapy because I've had to be all my life. I can cope...yet seeing t leads me into a place of desperate need.

I grew a lot with my former t (who wasn't particularly motherly) but seeing current t has brought a lot of my pain and desperation back.

I am trying to keep the faith that by being open and honest with T about my needs and desperation I will find a way through. I couldn't do this with either proir t. My current t is, so far, extremely on the ball and wants to help me work through the desperation I feel. I just don't know if I have the strength to cope with the knowledge she can't be that person I need so much. My only consolation is that my T has said there are two of us in this together, I don't have to make the decision to leave on my own or deal with this excessive need on my own. In the past, I have had to stop whatever comfort I got out of shame.

I guess I'm saying there are two of you in this Likelife, but it seems from your post that you feel very alone, is that right?

Okay the client holds the power in terms of staying/leaving, but I feel your T could be engaging more and helping you through these feelings. I wonder if showing her your post would help? Some therapists remain more detached than others, but I would hope your T can recognise you need support with those feelings about her. It might be that you need to grieve for what she can't be for you and that freedom will allow you to let go. I have never worked through my grief over my parents properly because part of me still believes I will one day find that mother who will hold and protect me.

Dialogue is key. Try to be honest and tell T you need her support with these intense feelings. Ts should be used to people developing intense feelings about them and know how to help.