I feel SO sad right now......

I went to my T session, and the words just wouldn't come out. I talked about the image of the doll and stabbing her, etc....I talked about how I was jealous...and angry...and that I hated that part of me...

....But when it came down to delving into it....expressing how I felt towards T about taking ownership....expressing those deep feelings of sadness and envy....I just couldn't do it.

....T kept encouraging me to bring it up in group - and I wanted no parts of it....

T even said that my pattern is that I become distant - and then get panicky - then scramble to restore a connection with him....and he pointed out that this is where it was heading....I told him he was right.

But I was just frozen in the sadness....that awful, scary, embarrassing pit of darkness.....

...And now I have to sit with this for another week.....I hate therapy.