I was anorexic for about 20 years, ever since I was very young. Four years ago I nearly died, went into the hospital, and got better. It was ok to gain some weight because I didn't want to look like a skeleton anymore.

Today at the doctor I found out my weight. I told the nurse I never want to know, but the dr said it ANYWAY. And it is a HUGE number-- it almost as high as it was when I became anorexic in the 1st place because I was so overweight and ugly.

Now I am right back there!! All those years of starving, purging, and exercising for NOTHING!

The past year I KNEW I was gaining too much weight. For the past 6 months I have felt like I'm wearing someone else's body, I don't feel like myself at all because my body has been getting so big. My husband kept saying "No you're not, I don't see it." "You look like you weigh around X" . Well today I found out I weigh several dozen pounds ABOVE "X"!!

At least my therapist is honest. Last night she said, "Well you are a lot bigger than you used to be, but you're not fat." I KNEW I was getting weigh bigger.

I have got to do something and I don't know what I already eat a low sugar, low fat diet, drink lots of water, exercise several days a week, and I'm active. What the heck else is there to cut out? I am so angry at myself and so freaked out. My therapist told me today that we can get my weight back under control, but right now I feel SO out of control