Sounds like he is having emotional identity problems. The things that describe him doing like holding you and smacking your rear end are the sparks of a relationship. I have in the past had troubles identifying where certain emotions were supposed to go so I placed them where ever I could. This often landed in appropriate emotions on my poor husband and kids. From what you have said I get the feeling that he has a problem, he doesn't know exactly what it is and your relationship has become the scapegoat. I have no good advice for you. I could tell you how my husband and I got past it but it wouldn't be very helpful since we ended up journeying through the pits of hell and I am sure you would rather do it differently then we did. It took a lot of therapy for me to straighten out my emotions. But I was REALLY sick. You guy just seems a little confused and needs time to work it out. I would let him know how you feel about what is going on. Let him know about your confusion and your desire to be with him. Let him know you are willing to wait for a little while if he is trying to work things out but not forever. It is not fair for you to be strung along. I am sure others will have much better advice then mine. I wish you well,
Zen

<font color=blue>that I would be good even if I did nothing, that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down, that I would be good if I got and stayed sick, that I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds-- Alanis Morissette