Therapy! Definitely therapy. The abuse was not your fault, and what he did was a crime. You should go to therapy so that you can fully understand how this has impacted your self esteem. The abuse is not a reflection of you. You are not dirty.

When I first talked about my abuse I was a teenager and I told a good friend, and after she knew I couldn't look her in the face or talk to her because I thought she knew how dirty and gross I was...but she never felt that way. That was just me projecting. It's scary talking about this stuff, but you can do it, and you will come out on the other side and experience healing. Talk. Therapy. I strongly encourage it. Say all the things that you can't picture yourself saying out loud. Its the stuff we don't say that kills us the slowest. Proud of you for opening of online.