I don't even know.

When I was really little, I remember swinging on the swings while the other kids went swimming. It was partially for sympathy, and partially for attention, but I just never really being accepted into any group. As I grew up, I was pulled apart by the kids around me, and eventually, just stopped trying.

Once I finished highschool and got into college, I started to "hang out" more, and actually started to enjoy life. However, as time went on, these friends moved on, and when I did hang out with them, we had changed too much. I felt alone all over again. '

I don't think I ever really liked them too much, I really think it was just a situational friendship. I needed someone, and they were there.

Now, I absolutely never go do anything with people, and in all honesty? I feel like no one gets me. All throughout my life I've felt as though I'm the one individual that no one understands. While I accept that this is just part of the subconscious part of being a human being, I feel it's more elevated in myself than in others. I witness being excluded, and have just shut down completely. I've never really liked social events, and now, I avoid them at all costs. I've not gone and done anything with friends in years. I don't really have any friends.

While I want a support system, I just can't seem to find anyone who understands where I'm coming from. I feel completely alone in the world.

I get paranoid when I see people talking that they're talking about me, and insulting me. and as pathetic as it may seem, I feel as though everyone is completely out to get me.

While I'm good at making friends everywhere I go. (Store workers, employees, ect) I can't ever get things past a passing remark, or smile.

Any thoughts? I really appreciate input. I've been feeling this way all my life, and it's getting drastically worse. I don't' know how much longer I can do this.