Thanks.....

I am not feeling as desperate today. I think because T called me out on my process, I'm more aware of it....

It took almost the whole session for me to get to the sadness that I feel....and T asked that I try to get to it sooner - instead of resisting it for most of the session and getting to it at the end....because it leaves me feeling swallowed up by it and not able to process it....and then I end up being alone with it for the week, learning new and stronger ways of repression which isn't what we want to do.

He's right....It's just SO hard....At the moment, I'm just tempted to quit therapy altogether.....group, individual....all of it....and find a different therapist who is a little bit more directive....

But I know that's coming from a place of wanting to avoid the sadness, the attachment, the embarrassment....

T did say that he was impressed that I was trying to address it with him, because it's a more evolved kind of work....and we both agreed that I don't truly believe that he favors the other client....

I sooo hate therapy. Blech.