Honestly I feel SILLY even stating that I'm having this problem because in my heart and head I KNOW its not OK...I guess its good to have validation. Part of me was afraid of hearing the big word 'overreacting' which I am incredibly afraid of doing. Because I'm so afraid of that, I tend to set poor boundaries even though I think the word NO is a pretty firm boundary.

I know that the man I married my not be there anymore. It was five years of the most amazing marriage ever. Everything a marriage should be. And almost overnight it turned ugly. He has mental illness in his family. He is not...or, the man I married is not a monster...I hate the thought of turning my back on someone when I think they are ill but I can't compromise myself and my well being in the meantime.

I don't know what I'm going to do but honestly I would rather he just start punching me in the face again. That's so clear cut, right and wrong. The emotional abuse, this insidious, sneaky form of abuse that makes me feel like the one at fault is the most damaging. I feel like its his last chance at having control over me, which is so backwards. Why can't we go back to a level playing field where nobody has control over anyone like it should be? But he knows that if he is violent again he will lose me...I think this is his last stance...which is so sad to me. I wonder if he even realize he's doing it?