This is what I wrote to him last night ~ its a jumbled mess and theres so much more that could have been said but here it is ~ I bet he dont even read it !!!!

Well I wanted to put this as simple as possible.
November I move here.
I have to listen to you every day several times a day ~ Kelli Kelli Kelli… that would bother you I’m sure
Kurt’s wedding …
December
You bring up Kelli while you touch me.
You tell me to get the **** out for 3 days straight because of it.
You tell me you don’t take me anywhere because I am an embarrassment.
January
I try to be myself and let loose by listening to music I like on your computer, you make fun of the music. Still feel uneasy because of the 3 days of you being so cruel.
February
My mom is dying. You don’t believe me. You have family come and taunt me with you. While I needed someone the most during that time, I was all alone in the empty house. You ignored me. My phone broke and while she was dying there I had to ask you for your phone while feeling so betrayed by you. That was the worst time ever.
Valentine’s Day … You’re mad at me again. You don’t talk to me. You leave me alone in the house.
The day you’re supposed to show the one you love how much. You are mean and argumentative.
From all the hurt I had in me from December and how mean you were and how irritated you got with me every day over the littlest things ~ I can’t even explain it.
Yes with leaving my family for you. Being so far away from home. Having all these feelings of doubt because of how you treated me I felt I just couldn’t go on in life to deal with this heartache. To be hurt AGAIN. I did what I did.
I come home to see Zoosk app on your computer. I know for a fact you talked to another while you isolated me from any of my friends.
March
I want to talk to you about what I seen (Zoosk)
You don’t kiss me even more so now than before. You tell me in unattractive to you.
I try to pay my way here as much as I can. I try to keep you happy by cooking and cleaning for you.

So 6 months after I move here because you “love me” so much this is how you treat me. This is what I get for trusting you to be kind and loving.
If I try to talk to you about the hurt that’s still in me because of all the above. You get even more mean and hurtful.
So, I’m unattractive to you. You want someone else in your life because of things I did. Okay fine. Let’s figure out how and when I am going to leave. It’s not like I ever felt wanted enough to unpack.