Thank you so much everyone, it really helps to hear other's perspectives.

The nothingless is why I think it is so hard to put my experiences into words. There's nothing to put into words...at least, that's how I feel about most of it. I do talk about some experiences which are more concrete and have potentially caused me great difficulties, but the vast majority of my childhood was empty. I wasn't even really 'brought up' as such...it was just chaos and confusion. There was no proper family life, no togetherness, no boundaries. I clung to my mother so much because she was the one who my life depended on. I appreciate what she did give me but the was a lot of lack. It is difficult to explain 'lack' to those who have more secure backgrounds and almost expect abuse to always be sexual.

My current t takes my background a lot more seriously than my former t who took the stance that they all did the best they could and that's it.

I guess it does come down to how it felt for me and it felt empty.

It has helped to post here thanks. I'm sorry that people are struggling with similar things.