It's apparently common among you and I.

I was able to make some headway by finally telling her;

1) I'll give you everything I possibly can so that you're happy - because then you'll leave me alone and I'll be happy

2) You have no leverage at all with me so stop trying to tell me what to do - because if you don't stop then I'll stop giving you what you want

Since then it's been pretty cordial, living 150+ miles apart helps, not divorced and don't care if that ever happens. I hold up my end of the bargain and give her as much money as I can which basically doubles her income from her job and that's it. Not sure if it will work for you but so far I'm ok with it.