wow. my first reaction was, it's okay to buy it, "as long as you play with it now!" as I sit surrounded by piles of stuff I don't play with now. but that was always the admonishment I got, sort of a pre-emptive strike of discouragement. That's the main aspect of it for me, am I even allowed to do it? My parents were so poor, they didn't have food, let alone toys. But my cousins all had TONS more toys than I did, like literally tons! Yet I was the only one with the "all A" report card and whose mother worked, why didn't I get toys? My brother got toys. I saw how much he wanted them, and how they hated to buy him things, and I didn't like that whole set-up, even if he got what he wanted.

So what rainbow8 says about "going deep", not having just superficial discussions with your friends - I think your partner missed an opportunity here by thinking it was a weird-*** request! I gave my T a little monkey a couple of weeks ago, and we still haven't fully explored the meaning. Probably partly because we have crossed boundaries, or his are kind of open, or as I always said, he is just not smart enough for me (okay, maybe he holds back). But I felt like a two-yr-old giving mommy a toy and wanting mommy to keep it and play with it, alongside baby hanky. Now I am pretty dam sure THAT particular scenario did not happen in baby hanky's nursery. OH - that IS what T has been saying for many years, that we learn to be alone IN mother's presence. He is really smart. Interesting thread, 2or3.