I don't think that Perna or any of us implied it was easy, we didn't mean to seem insensitive.
My ex was all the things you described, and then years later out of nowhere on new yrs eve for reasons I still don't understand ( I went home for 5min to check if OUR daughter was asleep) he slammed me into a wall and proceeded to choke me till I was unconcious, infront of our friends!
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I was shocked, scared, but I believed my best friend was still in there.
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He apparently tried to change, and he did, the choking escalated into fullblown physical assault, and even after that, I still hoped... And I was so naivley DETERMINED to make it work.
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Truth is, he wasn't making an effort to treat me better, and by what you've told us, neither is your husband. I left bcoz I realized I deserved better, my daughter deserved better, that was enough reason for me.
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Staying, leaving, it's your choice. But at what cost are you prepared to stay? How much time and energy is he investing in proving himself worthy of you? Worthy of your love, trust and respect?
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Leaving doesn't mean you don't love him and give up on him. It just means you love yourself more...