I used to cook food and make smoothies for my former husband and the children who live with them. He does not want it anymore, firmly. I am left with 6 packs of frozen berries in the freezer. He suggests that I make smoothies for myself. There are also ingredients for more elaborate dishes that I planned. I was so very very happy when he was accepting my food. I told him that I would cry my heart out making something that I used to make for them, for myself. He told me that you do not die crying your heart out. That is true. I am just so afraid of sad feelings, and that is one of the problems with me.

Should I cook for myself, overcome with memories of happy cooking for them? If I do not, I would be relegated to frozen dinners, and that is also grim (plus expensive). I am a good cook. I just do not know what to do. I can picture myself making a quick smoothie, but cooking a whole dish for a length of time, seems too much of me. I am just wondering if I will learn a positive lesson from that grief, or just immerse myself in masochism.