I hear what you're saying. I find it hard to trust God because I couldn't trust him as a child.

A book I'm reading right now is The Wounded Heart, by Dan B. Allender. He's a Christian and wrote the book about healing from sexual abuse from a Christian standpoint. The book touches a lot on how sexual abuse victims can have trouble connecting to God, how it's normal, why it happens.

I think it would help you a lot. I've only gotten through part of it.

I hear you about having to protect the family. I hear you. Please look into the book.