Thank you so much for real, being able to share my feeling and have them responded to means a lot to me. It is good to have somewhere to write. I have worked very hard at not hurting myself and talking here instead. And I hate that I need to but I do for the moment. One day I will cope with 5 days away with family, or anyone, without being what I see as bad but I know should not be viewed that way.

Sannah I agree so totally with you. You know I do mean this (i pray) even if emotionally I am behind my logically intelligent mind. I am being so much more emotionally honest than I ever have been and I am proud of that...it is just when I get really bad in my head I cant communicate it easily because my words run out. I wish there was another way to communicate beyond words..because as stupid as I will sound I am articulate to the point it actually can hinder at times. Sometimes I scream at myself to use my words but there arent anyor my vocab is seriously limited!