My next session is going to be different. I am to meet my therapist in the office, but we are going to walk over to another part of the building to a new room that she wants us to start meeting in. This is a church. First of all, I fear that people will see me. Secondly, it freaks me out to be out of a 'safe place' with my therapist and out in the open with her. It scares me to death.

I have this fear of her getting close to me. I can't allow her to sit next to me on the couch. I have tried this, but I can't. It sounds totally bizarre and no one understands this. I was watching a TV documentary on OCD. This struck a chord with me. I don't think I have OCD, but when it comes to my therapist, I am really uncomfortable with her sitting too close to me or touching me.

Strangely enough, I actually want her to sit by me, yet I can't get past the anxiety of it all. What is it that makes me so panic stricken? I don't get that part at all! Its like there is this invisible force between us that keeps me from her. When I think about it, it brings me to tears. It is ridiculous!

I want to talk to her about this, but I feel stupid bringing it up again. We have tried some exposure therapy with it. I told her I was fine, but I lied. I wasn't. I don't want to do it again. I just want to understand where this fear is coming from. Its not like I am scared of her. I am totally embarrassed by this.