Is it possible? Growing up I was molested numerous times at different ages. I pushed past it, well pushed it to the back of my mind. I ignored my problems. Then I found pills, pot and alcohol. Now that I am clear of my previous addictions [still quitting alcohol, this is 12 days sober] I have my last flaw to work on. Social anxiety. I fear people, public places with crowds, strangers and most of all males. Male from 16 yrs old to 80. BUT I had gotten over my social phobia for a little while, nothing crossed my mind I just freaked out in large crowds but now I am noticing that it is just hating people. This is so hard to explain. I thought I was okay. I haven't been raped in 6 or 7 years.
But all my anxiety and fear of people and their motives is so overwhelming now.. is it possible for everything to NOW affect me? Affect me worse than it did just after it happened? 7 years later.. I think my PTSD is just hitting me.
When someone at a store or anywhere hits on me I was to scream in their face, I want to scratch my own face off. I want to cut off all my hair or do anything drastic to change my image. I am not here for your sexual pleasures. I have a college degree. I am a mother. I have a career. I am intelligent with my career and in the streets. But you only see me from the outside and where you want to touch me. Now I am sober, this is the worst any of this has ever hit me. I just keep thinking to myself... it was so long ago.. how is this possible?