...this will sound totally ridiculous and I don't care much I guess cos I'm gonna put it here anyway.

it's now two days I think since I put this thread up here and there has been a change. I am still scared but it's different because I am now afraid because I am not scared to drink all of a sudden.

how warped is that?...I'm scared now of the fact that I'm not afraid to drink!....thats how incessant these thoughts have been lately.
chipping away at my logic...making me second guess myself
...I am suspicious there is some serious dumbass alcohology at work here?

but

I still have not picked it up...?