When I read what your T did, it took me back to a couple of similar situations with my first T, too......when she said one thing as a promise, but then talked to her supervisor, when I didn't know she would, and then the next week, her position was 180 degrees different, such an abrupt change and SO hurtful. It did feel like a gut punch and a major betrayal of trust ..... to one week hear, no I won't take away hugs, and next week hear, it would be best to never have physical contact again. Blah de dah......well, it felt well nigh impossible to go back and keep trusting or try to repair trust after that ...... but I did. And I told her that I could understand some of the logic/reasons why she did as she did, and that it wasn't even so much as what she did, but HOW she did it ...... in such an abrupt, harsh manner, really without warning and completely contrary to other things she had said. She had the grace to admit that this was right and to apologize the hurt she brought upon me then.....she thought I had tremendous guts/courage to go back, and she had really thought I wouldn't come back. I said, I didn't want things to end this way, how could I leave things like this? If there was a chance for repair, I wanted to take it, and not run as I had always run before......and then be left with such a painful traumatic memory of how it ended, like a jagged amputation that would heal with thick, painful, constricting scars.....I am glad I didn't run then, because it actually was healing for me to go back and hear her validate my pain/emotions and to learn that I COULD tolerate it, work through it, grow from it.
So, I guess I am saying, I hear and understand your pain and anger - and feel that you have the right to feel that! Definitely! He made an abrupt course change, seems to have completely contradicted himself, and has caused you pain, and has indeed wounded you and your trust by handling this badly. Yet.....if there is a chance at repair, take it, don't run and wound yourself further by running away.....if you take a chance on repair, and it doesn't work, then you walk away knowing you have handled a tough situation with all the grace and courage you had and you don't have to be as tormented with memories of how it ended in the future (a form of closure, at least, if you will....) At least go back and tell him straight out, you broke my trust, you broke your promise, you hurt me, why did you change/were there good, logical reasons, is there anything we can do to fix this?
Best not to burn bridges too hastily.....sometimes they do need burning, yes, but a controlled burn is generally better than an all-out bombing!
As for the guy on the cliff, yes, you might be surprised how many people have thoughts like that. It's not having the thought that makes you bad or is really so wrong...it's feeding on and following through on the thought. You had the moral power to not act on the thought...THAT is what counts. That is the victory....having power over the thought, so it doesn't become a compulsion.
I have thoughts like that and I feel nasty about it too......once I thought I would like to go by exT1's office and throw a rock through the window. But I didn't really want to do that ..... so I didn't feed that thought. And I didn't do it (thankfully!).
Anyway, I just don't think this is a safe time for you to be without a T or to completely cut off the relationship with this T in this way ..... even though I know how badly hurt you feel by him and how he did damage your trust.
Please do stay safe, be gentle with yourself, take care of yourself!