This may not be your typical divorce/separation thread. In my case, I'm the one that's wrong, no question. My wife and I have been together for 20 years, married for 18. 13 years ago I had an affair for a few months with another woman who was also married. I cut it off and returned to my wife and family. After years of struggle, we finally rebuilt a decent marriage.

The last few years of our marriage have been very rough. There has been a lot of bitterness and resentment built up between us. In December I finally had enough and through internet searching found the woman I had originally had my affair with, having not seen or heard from her in 13 years. We got back together with our feelings for each other stronger than ever. I moved out of my house and my wife filed for divorce. The other woman and I started planning our new life together as soon as my divorce was final and she took care of her own personal and relationship issues. I was sure I was right and head over heels in love.

It all came crashing down last weekend. She chose to return to an abusive, controlling ex boyfriend because of the time they had spent together and the financial security he could offer that I could not. I took the news extremely hard. I had a complete breakdown and had to be hospitalized on suicide precautions for three days. I'm now in an intensive outpatient program and also looking for other sources of help.

I've had the time to realize how wrong I was. I want to do everything I can to make it right and get my life back. The problem is my wife. She understandably refuses to trust me and won't let me back into our house. I'm doing everything I can think of to rebuild trust, but nothing is enough. I know it will take time, but time is something I don't have much of with the divorce already moving through the courts. I've given her total access to my facebook and email accounts, and offered her access to my cell phone records and even a key to my apartment so she can verify that I'm not contacting anyone else. I'm not asking her to trust me or forgive me yet. I'm not even asking for the spousal and child support orders that are crippling me financially to be lifted. All I'm asking is that she commit to rebuilding our marriage as I have. The divorce can always be reinstated if I show that I can't be trusted. I just need time.

Can anyone offer help or advice?