Don't blame yourself on that count overly much. Spirals can happen anyway.

Wow, does the "forcing to talk" ever resonate though. (Though I don't believe someone can be "forced" to talk, only pleaded with.) Even outside of BP, there are those who talk a lot about how they are feeling (and feel compelled to), share a medium amount or very rarely. I'm of the last camp. (IRL anyway. And though I talk more about it here on PC, I still hold back a lot.) People who do feel compelled to talk tend to be utterly bewildered by those who don't. Ok, these are observations on general human behavior (ie. non-BP influenced).

Now, this next bit is my personal experience, so there are undoubtably parts of it that are BP influenced. (Keep in mind though that - just by itself - BP is widely variable in experience, to say nothing of its interaction with peoples' individual personalities outside of it.) BF is a talker. I'm not. For starters, it is just not in my nature. When he pleads that I talk about how I'm feeling ("It's healthy, we're in a relationship, I don't know what's going on inside your head, how can I help if I don't know" etc.), it makes me very uncomfortable. Besides the gulf of incomprehension between talkers and non-talkers in general...

I often don't know how I feel, so can't articulate what I don't have a grasp on.

Sometimes there is so much flitting around in my brain, I can't hold on to what I might want to say to get it out properly.

My feelings vary very widely depending on when asked. We could be talking as soon as beginning of day vs. end of day. So I'm hesitant to voice what will be contradicted and therefore confusing later on. They are both complelely true. And that is hard to understand. There is black and there is white. I live mostly in gray, holding opposites with equal validity and an inexplicable balance.

There are a handful of things I feel ONE way about consistently. Some of these can be spoken. A few are off-limits.

I can get paranoid. This plays out in a few different ways. One, my trust is pretty well non-existant, even if that is not logical or justified. Two, because there are some bits I know sound "crazy", I'm afraid to put those out there, you know? And if I can help it, I won't. Three, especially in such times, I am sure things I say will come back to bite me. Bad things will happen (even if in the most convoluted, distinctly unlikely ways), and if (re: when) they do, I'll know the paranoia tried to warn me, so better listen to it now and not risk the repercussions.

There is probably a whole lot more, but that's what comes to mind atm. Don't know if it is helpful, but come to think of it, I've really not seen these things written in a book, so maybe they are.