T,

I want to email you so bad right now. I want to tell you that I've had an amazing day that just slipped right now. I want to tell you how bad it is that I've been biting myself again that I'm scared about my ex, and my soon to be ex, and my friend, and that I was so proud of myself today but I'm scared I'm just slipping into a manic phase. I'm doing okay. I'm not nearly as bad as I was. I want to ask you why you wanted me to go to hospital. I want to talk to you about my meds. I want to talk to you about everything....

I don't want to say it, but I want you to be my friend. I know you can't though. I hope you don't think I'm pathetic.

I hate that I just got triggered and that now I can't stop thinking about how puffy my face is and how much I just want to tlak to you! Why is it only once a week when you know SO WELL that I need more right now..... And why do I feel like that's true when it's my worst fear.

T, I want to be okay, and you've been helping me do that. You're one of the only people I'm okay crying with because you don't get upset about it. It doesn't scare you. I wish I could stop biting because it's starting to hurt. I wish I could tell you about it. I wish a lot.

I'm going to stop now because this isn't real and you're not going to hear it. I'll save it for Wednesday.