Last night a female friend and I went to a strip club and spent the whole night there. I've gone a few times several years ago to local clubs but this is the first time since. My anxiety was incredibly low compared to what I used to feel. I almost felt genuinely relaxed and accepting of my sexuality. I feel that I may be on the verge of disarming my anxieties around looking at and desiring women sexually.

One thing that I really enjoyed was that it was perfectly accepted, in fact, expected, to blatantly check out the girls for as long as you pleased, since, obviously that is the point of being there. It was very re-affirming of my sexuality as a male. And it was okay to be turned on by them since that was the whole purpose.

I had an interesting conversation with a very messed up woman who was there with her group of friends. This club happened to be topless (unfortunately, we thought it would be nude) and she confided that she liked coming to this bar precisely because the dancers didn't show their vaginas, which in her opinion looked disgusting. Wow, a female strip-club patron of many visits who DOESN'T like the female body and is ashamed of it. Can you believe that? I wanted to slap the living daylights out of her but I just laughed and shook my head in disbelief. Seeing vagina is the whole damn point.

Anyway, my CBT work follows in the next post.