Recently coming off of nightmare-inducing Paxil, my sleep schedule has been all kindsa messed up and for the passed week or so I've been staying up til 2 or 3 am and sleeping til early afternoon.
Most of the night, after I've Finally finished obsessively biting my fingernails and tossing and turning the hours away; I have my Paxil nightmares of HungerGames- style we-humans-are-the-prey game scenarios until morning.
Then, between 8-9am when my husband wakes up, and 11am - 1pm when I finally wake up, I have graphic and repetitive sexual dreams ( sometimes nightmares, sometimes not) with men who are rarely my husband. It wasn't until quite recently in fact, that he's appeared in my dreams at all. Most of my dream "cast" is made up of people from my past: high school, old jobs, college...but no one from my current life.
My partners in my morning "sexy dreams" range from completely fabricated men, to teachers I've had, to women,...even my own father (those ones are rare but leave me feeling very disgusted, ashamed, and freaked out). I have had one or two sexy dreams starring me and my husband, and a couple where my factionalized man obviously represented him, but mostly it's a wide range of men (and sometimes women) that have little similarities to him.
I am 100% in love with my husband, and when he gives it to me, he definitely gives me all that I need...but I'm still living a promiscuous and tawdry dream- life that, other than the "dad dreams", I secretly really enjoy and get stimulation from.
One mind tells me, this is fine, I'm not actually acting out any of my dreams and I love and respect my husband so it's all good...but my other mind wonders, am I an unconscious cheater? And I worry...what if my dreams, which already build and inform my fantasies, start leaking into my waking sexuality, and in a moment of depressive, self-loathing weakness, will my unconscious promiscuity reach out into my waking life?
Where is the line drawn?
If dreaming about the bouncer @ the local nightclub is okay, is "innocently" flirting with him okay?
I've been with my husband for 7 years...and I'm starting to understand what the "7 year itch" really feels like. I say now I would NEVER EVER cheat on my husband...but what is Cheating exactly?