Right now your knee jerk reaction is to run away and never come back: run away from T, run away from pdoc, run away from meds, run away from life by abusing sleeping pills, run away from pain period. I suppose you can do that, but you are going to end up crashing, and that will be entirely on you. Please slow this destructive train down and consider making healthy decisions that will give you personal strength and empowerment.

Lose the sleeping pills before you do yourself serious harm. Call your pdoc and let him know you have been abusing your medicine. Go in to see him so he can evaluate where you stand with your medications. Stopping your meds without medical supervision is unwise.

Go in to see your T. You need to hear each other out. This hurt you terribly, but it didn't sound like that was his intent. You need to really hear him, yes from that wise/adult mind. He needs to hear how the "child" was wounded.

This can be worked through if you choose to work to help yourself rather than continuing to run away and harm yourself.