hello all, sorry i've been away so long, i've been in a really weird stage. kinda a mild depression, but no more than mild, and in the last few weeks i've had recurrent paranoid thoughts and really bad anxiety (i'd never had anxiety attacks before). this week, however, things have been different. i've felt like i can not only face the world but conquer it. i have felt much more cheerful and constantly like making jokes. i've spoken to my housemates more in the last week than in the last 2 months. i've been able to leave the house but have pretty much relished the challenges of the outside world, in a way that's not really normal for me. i'm still feeling quite paranoid about things, but i'm also feeling like i don't really give a crap. i was feeling paranoid that i would offend my housemates (hence not talking to them) whereas now i think sod it if i offend them i want to say things so i'll say them! i'm having racing thoughts at bedtime especially, but also other times of day. i'm really restless and fidgety, whereas i've spent whole days just sitting on a sofa staring at the telly before, now i want to get up and walk or even run about all the time. i'm still quite irritable but it's interspersed with laughing bouts. also, i've gone from sleeping waaaaaay too much to not really feeling like sleeping at all. this week i've had one early night, which was 4 am. however, i'm on seroquel so i tend to still sleep for a reasonable period. i'm getting my dreams back though and i've been waking a lot at intervals.

i'm a bit worried i'm going hypo. the last time i went hypo was on an antidepressant. that was about 3 years ago. i was hypo for around 4 weeks that time but i don't really remember much from when i was hypo, hence having this question: i've obviously come up from the depression but have i swung a bit too far the other way? it's quite hard for me to tell, because when i went hypo last time it wasn't sudden, it kind of developed. this has come on over about 3-4 days. i'm seeing the pdoc on friday so i guess i'll see how i feel tomorrow. recently he's suggested putting in a 2nd stabiliser as well as lithium. i think i may suggest it because i really don't feel too stable.